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Last Time

I read somewhere, probably on Tumblr, a sad but very true statement. It said: “One day, your parents picked you up, put you back down, and never picked you up again”.

There are a lot of things that we do for the very last time and are unaware of it’s finality. Visiting a place, seeing a loved one, etc. Sometimes we just don’t realize that it’s the last time we’ll ever do something. But as I sit here in my partially empty room, I am very much aware that this is the last time that it will ever truly feel like home. 

Sure, I’ll most likely sleep here again and who knows what can happen in the coming weeks and months, but I know that right now, everything I own is still sitting (albeit in boxes) inside of this house. My dad and I just finished watching Bill Maher in the living room and now he’s falling asleep in his bed. Laundry is going, there are dishes in the sink, pictures still on the wall. Coco is here and all is right in the world.

But I know that tomorrow, everything is going to change. I’ll be taking down Josh’s sweatshirt and loading up my car with about 80% of my belongings. It’s the combination of both moving out, doing my own thing, being responsible and furthering this relationship with Brian and also not having a home to come back to for the first time in my life.

I don’t want this to be an Ximino house. I have so many good memories here, as well as bad ones. But this was always my safe haven. This was always a warm place to come home to, with my dad and my cat and my bed and all of my favorite things. I feel like it’s being taken away from me. 

Now that I word it like that, I know that there really are people who literally have their homes taken away from them. They can no longer afford it, it burns down, it’s broken into, it’s destroyed by a tornado or tsunami. I feel very fortunate now. 

I just wanted to get these feelings out there so that I can look back at this and ease my 22 year old self. I don’t know what the future holds in 6 months, two years, ten years. I know that I am insanely blessed with a wonderful family, spectacular friends, loving boyfriend, a healthy body and the ability to accomplish my dreams. I’m embarking on the next stage of my life, with many more stages to come. I’m looking forward to the months to come, the years to come, the story that has yet to unfold. I have a lot of things to look forward to.

So thank you. Thank you, creator, universe, God and everyone in between. I’m here for a reason. Right here, right now. I’m thankful for that and I welcome everything coming my way with an open mind and an open heart.

INSTAGRAM: jesworkman

INSTAGRAM: jesworkman

INSTAGRAM: jesworkman

INSTAGRAM: jesworkman

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